Month 2: Putting Down the Crutch

I’ve been stalling on writing a new post because this newest month of Here I Am! is both personal and challenging. Even on this blog that offers some anonymity I hesitate to share the part of my life that will be receiving my attention and intention this month.

But before I dive into that, I want to share that month 1 went swimmingly! If you recall, my first month was focused on my body, my physical health, and my appreciation of this beautiful tent that I have been given. And what a month it was! Yes, I set up an exercise routine that I am still in. Yes, I began to educate myself about calories (boring!). Yes, I feel stronger, more confident, and more in control. I learned that my entire daily exercise regiment could be beaten to a pulp and tossed into the ditch by the number of Trader Joe’s dark chocolate peanut butter cups that I like to consume every night. So we had to break up.

It’s not you, peanut butter cup, it’s me.

But the most important thing that came from this first month was a reinforcement of my sense of empowerment. I was reminded that “we have the power to choose moment by moment who and how we want to be in the world.” (See our facebook page for the source of that magnificent quote!) It was this self-assurance in month 1 that has led me to take on a much bigger intention in month 2. On my Here I Am! list there is a lockbox, number 7.

My list of intentions

This intention is private and locked away for only my consideration. It is an intention to break a dependency, to drop an unhealthy crutch on which I have leaned on for a long time. For this month, I will allow myself to spread my arms and stretch in the freedom that I can have without that crutch. I will stir up the power that is inside me and all around me that tells me to have courage, put down my crutch and , “Walk!” If any of you have tried to do this before—let go of an addiction which, by the way, can come in all shapes and sizes—then you know that even day 1 can seem like torture!

credit: http://www.boyinpinkearmuffs.com/banapplenut/comic/addiction/

So now more than ever it is important for me to reiterate to myself and to you, dear readers, that making a change like this requires grace…not just the grace of God but your own grace toward yourself. Therefore, this is my mantra, my prayer, for this month:

I am thankful for this month of thoughtfulness.

I embrace the challenge, knowing that I am surrounded by love.

In me is all the strength and love that is needed to walk freely and without addiction.

I do not judge myself for weakness but simply notice the thoughts and desires in my body and mind. Always with love.

A new vision and calling awaits me as I decide, moment by moment, who and how I am in this world.

Lastly, I want to leave you with this thought, lest you feel that this journey I have been writing about is unrelated to our theme of connectedness. I believe that there are times in life when we must grasp the reins of our own choices, actions, words, habits and redirect ourselves once again in order to be prepared to step into the next opportunity for giving, sharing, healing. When we are our better self then we spread that betterment to others. The connections we make in the visible and invisible realms are then blessed with more authenticity and grace. There must be a beautiful quote about that somewhere out there! If you find it, let me know.

As always, thank you for reading.

With love inside and out,

~~~S Wave~~~

Month 1: Loving My Body!!!

My list of intentions

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Okay, I promise not to send a daily update, but I do want to write briefly about the kick-off to the HERE I AM! experience that we’ve just started. Last night I spent the evening with my sister and brother-in-law, sitting by a fire and writing out our intentions for the month-by-month, change-welcoming, gratitude-buliding, growth-sparking, connection-forming journey that is HERE I AM! We shared our ideas with each other until finally we each had a list that we felt reflected our most pressing inner desires.

My sister receiving some help with her list.

And so today begins day one of month one. My first intention is exercise. The universe gave me a nudge to make this my first intention through an innocent comment made by an acquaintance yesterday. In what might be the most horrifying social moment (for both the speaker and the receiver) one can find oneself in, a woman I know paused her cell phone conversation, looked at me with wide eyes and said, “Oh! Are you expecting?” After I recovered from the complete brain combustion that followed, I politely laughed with her about the whole misunderstanding and we both tried to bounce back by profusely explaining that it must have been due to the flowing, baby-doll cut blouse that I was wearing that day (which I have now gladly donated to my sister, who is expecting.) That’s all I needed, universe. Got it. Exercise it is!

Behind this intention of Exercise is a desire to love my body and to honor this temple that I have been given. These are the only feet that I have to walk me through this life; the only hands I have to embrace others, to clap with the beat, and to raise in joy; the only lungs I have to bring me the breath of life; the only muscles I have to allow me to work, explore, and be helpful; the only throat I have to speak. I want to be fit, spry, flexible, ready to go. I specifically intend to not base my judgement of my progress on what I might look like to other people, but how I feel about my strength, power and health. As the process takes place, I will be patient and I will send positive, appreciative thoughts to my soft tummy and my dimpled thighs. I will love love love what I have while giving it more of what it needs.

I will explain the other intentions as their times come.  But before I go, I want to express my support to anyone who is also doing a list of their own. Remember to be gentle and loving. Keep your eyes open for the signs and wonders that might just be shown to you as you set your intention on the good and worthy things of life. To celebrate this first day of HERE I AM!, here is a little something to encourage you onward (wink):

“I am here” or “HERE I AM!”

Life loves the liver of it.

-Maya Angelou

Two years ago, in autumn, I saw a commercial for Dove. A woman is going to an elegant party. As she glides down the spiral staircase in her gown her eyes and slumping shoulders give away her inner insecurity and fear. The colors on the screen are dull and washed. Her hair is supposed to look equally dull.

“Does your hair say ‘I am here’? Or…”

Suddenly the picture changes to bright colors. The woman transforms by flashing a big smile, pulling her shoulders back and flipping that now shimmering hair,

“Or does it say, ‘Here I am!’?”

The ad made me think about something other than hair. It made me think about the difference between walking through a day (or forbid, a life) in an “I am here” energy versus a “Here I am!” energy. There are days when at the moment my head hits the pillow I would have to honestly confess that it has been an I Am Here day. I have gone through motions. I have done what my schedule required me to do. Maybe I had little connection to others…probably little intentional connection to God. Possibly all because of and certainly resulting in a feeling of malaise and disappointment.

Well, two years ago in October, after seeing this commercial, I decided that I wanted to have more Here I Am! days. I knew there were things in my life that were out of balance. So I gave myself a challenge. I wrote my HERE I AM! list of intentions.  It was an inventory of things that I would like to add or alter in my life. For example, I wanted to reduce the amount of time I spent in front of screens and replace it with time spent with books. I wanted to exercise. I wanted to call old friends. I wanted to give more. For each intention on my list, I designated a month during which I would lend my awareness, my love, and my discipline to it.

For the next four months amazing things happened. I felt like I had shed some skin and I  could feel a renewed hope and positivity. What I was sending out was returning to me. There were inexplicable alignments in life that took place around that time. I met people that I believe I needed to meet. Questions were answered. Growth took place. I wasn’t making it into a fervent, you’ll-get-a-gold-star-IF kind of task. The whole thing was just for me. It was just between God and me.

Now, these few years later, I can feel a desire stirring in me again. A desire to welcome change in my life through intentional awareness and love. It’s not just about a list of goals, and it’s not about New Year’s resolutions (although, ironically, it might be turning into that.) It is simply time to shine the HERE I AM! light no matter where I am and prepare for what is waiting for me for my good, for the good of others, for the good of my community and (why not!) the world. I want to go toward those things with calm, confidence, and curiosity.

Long story short: I am making a new HERE I AM! list of intentions.I’ll be starting soon and look forward to sharing insights with you all.

Do you want to imagine a HERE I AM! vision of your own? Do it! Write it down in a secret private place. Read it to God and to your own heart. Seal it with a prayer and put it in a special place. Send it out there and do your part: acknowledge your intentions in your words, actions, and thoughts. Then just wait to see what happens. I’ll  be encouraging you in spirit and prayer.

Freedom by Zenos Frudakis

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Dear friends,

If you haven’t already connected with us on Facebook, you can do so by clicking on the link at the upper right. We appreciate you!

~~~Waves~~~