I have been feeling more and more boundless during my times of prayer. When I close my eyes and sink deeper and deeper into it, I can begin to sense that the idea of my body as my boundary is contrived. That my true self is without limits. Like I said, I’m no ordinary squirrel.
I remember when I was about nine that I had a life-changing moment driving past the lake in the passenger seat of my mom’s car. Looking out the window I suddenly realized in my gut that I was completely singular, completely alone in my experience. I remember looking at mom and, with no small sense of amazement, realized that she and I were two different people and our experience of the world would never fully converge. I would never know what her eyes saw as she looked at the same road I was looking at, or how the seat beneath her felt on her legs, or what thought was filling her mind from one moment to the next. It felt very isolating, yet somehow inspiring. There was suddenly a feeling of importance for my life, but also great alone-ness.
Whether or not it is related to that early event, for most of my life I have been operating under an unexamined belief that we are all separate. Why wouldn’t I think that? Don’t most people think that? Doesn’t it look like that? I am me and you are you. I am one and you are one. Here we are:
Even as I’ve come to know more about God, even as I’ve experienced inexplicable connections with a few very special people, even as I have done some reading up on metaphysics and theories of transpersonal connection, my grander experience of life has never really changed. So why would my overall paradigm change?
But now, something new is dawning. The other night, as I was feeling boundless, I said, “Thank you for the way you move through all things.” With those words my paradigm changed. Suddenly there is a ONE. If my Self is boundless, then your Self is boundless. And his…and hers… Where do you begin and I end? Where does my spirit or consciousness or energy cease to inform yours and vice versa? Where does yellow end and green begin?
I’m telling you, I am walking down the streets of Los Angeles the past few days passing people and thinking, “Do you know that we are actually colliding right now?? That you are made up of divinity just like the rest of us? How cool is that!?” This doesn’t mean I have to trust every person, that I have to welcome their energy into my experience, but I do think it is a part of the Love that I have asked to learn more about.
As for separateness, I think we are separate as sensory processors and as egos. My little nine year-old self was right about that. But senses and egos are not all we are.
A final reminder—for you and for me—that this blog was started with the idea that we are like waves. Remember that you can not point to where your wave ends and another’s begins. Nor can you can point to where your wave begins and the ocean ends. It is a metaphor I like…and now I like it even more. Hope you do too.